It seemed like time froze when I read the message on my phone. You know them movie moments when the protagonist receives bad news and everything seems to blur? It was kind of like that, only ten times worse.

My friend, Joel, passed away recently. I say "recently" because nobody knows exactly when yet - he was found at home yesterday, lifeless. (He lived alone.) Got word that it could've happened as early as Saturday, so it's likely that while I was enjoying my night gigging - twice - something tragic was happening to one of my friends. And that kind of dampens everything. (The gigs were great but they seem rather irrelevant now.)

I met Joel in college. We were orgmates at UP Music Circle. He was a few years older than me, played a green Ibanez guitar, and played table tennis for the Maroons. We had plenty of similarities, too. Like me, he was a bit on the heavy side. We both shaved our heads. We both liked the tambayan. We both stayed in school a bit too long. And we both loved playing music - any opportunity to play wasn't something to be wasted. Whenever I refer to playing in show bands in college, more often than not, Joel was my guitar player.

I remember driving all the way to his place in Paranaque for rehearsals every Saturday. Gas was cheaper then, and I was a newly-minted driver who didn't mind the traffic. Plus I was getting an education - he was a more seasoned performer than I was, and I picked up a lot from him. Like a sponge.

I was there when he was busting his behind preparing his thesis. I saw his joy when he finally graduated and started work as an architect. I was there because he shared his joy, like many things in his life.

Sadly, like many college friends, we struck our own separate paths as we sought to make our marks on the world. Lost track of each other until earlier this year when one of my classmates at a workshop turned out to be his friend/bandmate. I got his number, sent him a message and caught up. He seemed to be doing well, a young man building his future.

Fast forward to last night. I received the shocking news, confirmed it with my workshop classmate and it started sinking in. He's gone. A friend I went to battled in the (musical) trenches with is no more. It makes me sad that I wasn't able to go to the MC event where the other old members saw him for the last time. Stayed up all night racking my brain, trying to reminisce.

The news of Joel's death also made me consider my own mortality. What if it happened to me? What would my friends say? Would people who barely knew me even care? Would people show up at my funeral? Was the time I spent living worth it? Did I positively change anybody's life? Would I be evaluated a success or a failure? To be honest, my own answers to these questions were hit-and-miss. I haven't been the best friend in the world, I think I could've done better in a lot of things. I'm not sure if I changed anybody's life - positively or negatively. But at least I'm trying. And I will keep trying. Sorry to sound so emo and all but the news really triggered an existential crisis that I'm still trying to resolve.

Joel will be missed by plenty of people. His positivity could literally brighten up a room. It's sad to see him go, but he's probably in a better place now.

Farewell, my friend.  Be safe.

Current Mood: sad

"Ilang taon kaya tayong magsasama?"

"'Di ko alam, sana matagal. Siguro mga sixty years pa."

"Gusto ko yun."

"Sana mas maaga tayo nagakilala, 'no? Para mas matagal tayo magkakasama. Sayang yung ilang taon na di pa kita kilala."

"Oo..."

"Pero hayaan mo na yun. Dapat hindi natin tutukan yung nakaraan, dapat yung future na ginagawa natin lang."

Current Mood: calm
Current Music: Tom Waits - California, Here I Come

Pwede ko pala maging shota si David Beckham eh. At si DiCaprio.

Saka astig, andun si Jason Lee.

Current Music: Elliott Smith - Twilight

I was exploring my phone today and, being the klutz I am, accidentally deleted all my contacts. Yes, I amaze even myself with my stupidity. I'd like to ask a favor from all my friends/contacts/business partners, etc.to send me an SMS with your name so I can (very slowly) rebuild my contacts list.

You know my number.

Thanks!

Zig

Current Music: The Beatles - Dig A Pony

I got lucky last night.

No, you perv, not THAT kind of lucky! (I wouldn't mind, though. Hahahahaha.)

I attended an event for work and won myself a brand new cell phone.

It seems like a great phone with cool features, but being the caveman that I am, it might take a while before I learn to use it. (A phone, for me, is simply for calling and texting. Now I have a camera and audio player to figure out.)

What I enjoy most is the fact that I got it for free. Free stuff kicks ass.

Current Music: The Beatles - Hello, Goodbye

Hmm. I've ignored kalbongzig since The Breakup. Not anymore. But please allow me to mope from time to time. I am after all, recovering.

Those close to me have noticed a stark improvement in my general disposition from previous months. At the risk of sounding insensitive, I guess it had a lot to do with freeing myself from a relationship that was, well, pretty negative. (Please don't take this the wrong. My ex is a wonderful, beautiful lady and I love her dearly.) Nevertheless, I really am enjoying life more. I...just..feel...dainty.

Of course there are times when the solitude kicks in. But I get by. (I have no choice, do I?)

Music will be my focus, with Shirley's upcoming album release, the Chickens' recording sessions for Girls, Etc., and gigging and working on new material for Outerhope.

I guess I'll be too busy to feel sorry for myself.

And that's good. Busy is good.

Current Mood: ~(busy)
Current Music: Sting - Seven Days

There are two minutes left but the lead's 26 points

Goodbye, Dallas Mavericks.

Dirk Nowitzki choked AGAIN. This season's supposed-MVP has put up stellar numbers so far: 8 points, 2/13 field goals, 0/6 3-pts. He did grab 10 rebounds. Haha. Choker. Couldn't win last year. Couldn't win this year. Tsk.

The rollercoaster ride that is my life took another bizarre twist over the past couple of days.

Rom and I have decided to go our separate ways, though we chose to remain friends. There wasn't a big fight. It was a rather small detail but it was something we could not resolve. Though we could have chosen to ignore it, we agreed that it could snowball into a bigger problem in the future.

She's a wonderful, special woman and I thank her for allowing me to be part of her life--and for choosing to be part of mine. The experiences and dreams we shared I will cherish forever.

I shall be laying low for a while.

Current Mood: could use a hug. or two.